Autor: Arianne Struik

If the parent’s mentalizing ability is underdeveloped as a consequence of their own traumatic experiences, the child’s behaviour can frighten the parent, or make him angry. If a parent has been physically or sexually abused himself, the inner world of the child may bring up old memories of the parent’s own traumas.

For example, a child who is angry with his parent because he wants candy and the parent said ‘no’ might say: ‘I hate you.’ For the parent, this can bring up memories of being abused and humiliated in childhood, which can be so overwhelming that the parent’s stress level takes him out of his Window of Tolerance.