Parenting Skills for Mothers with Borderline Personality Disorder
The challenging and difficult task to help individuals with BPD to cope with their crises keep therapists busy - so that the issue of the children’s well-being is often secondary.
For several reasons, mothers with BPD themselves do not speak much about their children with their therapists, neither. First, they typically focus on their most urgent issues: their suffering and crisis with conflicts in interpersonal relationships or at work. Problems in the interaction with the child might not appear to be urgent enough. Secondly, shame and fear play an important role when considering speaking openly about the neglect or abuse of their children. The fear of being stigmatized and of losing child custody often leads to a cautious and non-help-seeking behavior.
Therefore, mothers with BPD and their children often have first contact with the welfare system when it might already be too late for an effective prevention: in situations of acute endangerment of the child’s welfare or in severe crises. However, even when mothers succeed to contact the welfare system in time, the knowledge about BPD on the institutional side is often insufficient. This might lead to a lack of adequate support and in turn to a growing distrust on the mothers’ side towards institutions that are responsible for the children.
Nevertheless, mothers often perceive psychotherapists in a different light than institutions or official personnel, as issues addressed in therapy underlie professional secrecy. Therefore, therapists should encourage mothers with BPD to openly speak about their problems with their children and therefore find ways to protect and support their children despite their own difficulties. The experience of not being devaluated and of finding support and understanding helps them to accept own shortcomings.
Aim of this book is to raise awareness of the difficulties and chances when working with mothers with BPD and to provide guidance for therapists and counselors.